When you’re diabetic, it’s a constant struggle for what you can eat. When I was first diagnosed, my father in-law, who is also diabetic, laundry listed me with all the things I could no longer have and detailed all the wonderful complications associated with diabetes. I wanted to through myself in front of a bus. I was already struggling to process what this all meat for my life.

Of course as time went on I learned and I adjusted. Most things I don’t miss so much anymore because I have been without them for so long but there is one thing I cannot get over. Brownies. God, I still love a good brownie. Chocolate, in general, is the most difficult for many diabetics. Chocolate is like crack for diabetics. Once you’ve had that taste in your mouth, you can never completely shake it. Just the smell alone can create the desire. And if you let yourself slip; just one little tiny taste. I have stood at the candy counter, wanting. Thinking about what an M&M would taste like. How bad could it be? Just a little cheating, just today. But once you have let yourself break down once, it’s easier to do it again. Than you’re completely off the wagon and you’re just screwed. You’re sitting in the doctors office, your numbers suck, and you’re trying to explain what happened.

Than there are the pushers. People who say, oh would you like a cookie? A piece of birthday cake? If they know me I just look at them like what are you mental? If they don’t you are into the, “oh, I can’t I’m diabetic”. “Oh, my goodness, I am so sorry. I wish I had something else”. “No, that’s ok really. I’m fine”. Than some clueless guest will say to you, “Oh, you’re on a diet. I get it”. No, I’m not. Fuck.

Does diabetes hit people who love to eat as a curse or do people who love to eat get diabetes because they love to eat? Pass the brownies please, and an extra dose of insulin.